I Don't Wanna Be Me
by Davey-is-Gawd
Summary: How will Sean react when his one and only is gone?


**A/N -- Hey, it's me, returning again with another Ellie fic! Okay, please review, I might continue...I dunno yet. But I'm giving out Thanksgiving treats and Christmas presents waaay early this year!! I -heart- you guys. **

**I Don't Wanna Be Me**

I stared into my mirror. Slightly wavy red hair; bright green eyes, filled with tears; and a pale pointed face. I wasn't satisfied with what I saw. I saw chub on my cheeks, and that made me cringe. I pinched at my waist, sighing. "Stop being so fat," I told my mirror-image, blinking away tears.

I stared at my plate of food. "Elle, eat it, it doesn't bite," Sean told me, smiling and poking me in the side.

I nodded, but then looked at him with sad eyes. "Am I fat?" I asked quietly.

"No, now eat, Eleanor Nash!" He laughed, kissing me on the corner of my mouth.

I looked upset. "I'm not joking, Sean! Am I fat?" I cried, pushing the tray away from me.

"No," Sean told me. A serious looked crossed his face. "You're too skinny, Elle," he told me, scooting closer and kissing the tip of my nose.

I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder. "**I love you**."

"I love you, too," Sean replied. He smiled, then kissed the corner of my mouth again.

"Come over after school, I've gotta go. Meet me at my locker."

I kneeled in front of the toilet in the Girls' Washroom. I wiped the back of my hand on my mouth, then flushed the toilet that contained all of the food I'd eaten in the past hour. I stood, then opened the stall door. Ashley stood there. "Elle, did you just puke?"

"Yeah, I had some bad kiwi last night," I replied, washing my hands with extra soap.

"Oh. Kiwi? Since when do you like kiwi?" Ash asked, also washing her hands.

"Since last night, but not anymore," I lied, smiling up at Ash.

Ashley sighed. "Sean wants me to watch out for you. He says you think you're fat," she told me.

I sighed. "Because I am. I'm a **fucking **hippo."

Ashley glared. "No, you're not," she whispered, walking out of the room.

I waited against my locker, scanning the hall for Sean. When he finally entered the hallway, I was leaving. "Ellie!" he called behind me.

I spun around, feeling my food from the day weighing me down. "Hey," I said, kissing him. Soon, we were having a full blown make-out session in the hall. "I'll be back, I have to pee."

I rushed off to the bathroom, already sticking my finger in my throat. I vomited all of my contents into the porcelein bowl, feeling better. I wiped the vomit off of my mouth, then went to wash my hands, after flushing, of course.

I walked casually back to the hall, where Sean waited. "So, what do you want to do?" he asked.

"My house for Chinese?" I asked. Even the thought of food made my stomach turn. "My mom's not home," I added hopefully. "And she won't be home for a week. Big meeting in New York."

"Sure. I've never been to your house," Sean answered, wrapping his arm around my waist. "And it's only about fifteen degrees out. Put on your coat."

"Where's your coat?" I asked.

"Don't have one," he muttered.

"Sean, we have to go get you one! It's freezing here!" I cried.

He nodded. "But I have no money."

"Don't worry about it, I'll cover it."

"No, Ell--"

"Please, Sean."

We walked into the mall, our arms hooked together by some irresistable force. Ashley tore angrily from the record store, Craig walking quickly after her, muttering, "Ash, I was **joking**."

I smiled, kissing Sean's neck. He was considerably taller than I, yet people gushed about how we were destined. We went into a store, and I pointed out a coat for Sean. "Oh, this one's nice," I said, taking it off the hook and holding it up to him. "What do you think?"

"I think it's three sizes too small."

I rolled my eyes. "They have it in different sizes," I told him.

He shrugged. "Whatever."

"Sean!" I cried, hugging him. "Come on! It's freezing, you need a coat!"

An hour later we got kicked out of the store for arguing with each other. He didn't like the coats I picked out, and then refused to pick one out himself. I started huffing as we walked to my house. I knew it got to him.

"Look, Ellie, I'm sorry! I have hoodies," he apologized.

I nodded. "I know, but I just -- I just want you to have a proper coat." I grabbed his hand, lacing my fingers with his.

"I know, and I appreciate it." I knew that Sean hated that I could make him a sensitive guy. He wanted to be a badass, but I wouldn't let him.

I turned the key in the front door. "Jesus, Ellie, you live in a mansion," he muttered, looking around. His eyes shot to our liquor cabinet, which had its door hanging open and there was an open bottle of vodka on the counter. "I thought your mom was out," Sean said.

"She is," I answered, as my cheeks flushed.

He glared at me, then went exploring. "Where's your room?" I heard him call.

"Upstairs, to the left, but let me go up there first," I answered, putting down my drink and running up the stairs. I hid bloody rags, razorblades, and books about dieting. "You can come up now!" I yelled.

Sean was at the door within seconds, panting. "Wow, Elle, I like it," he said, hugging me. "But it seems almost too clean."

I nodded, shutting my clost door with my foot, where all of my treasure were hidden among a heap of shoes.

"That's some closet you've got there," Sean said, kicking around the shoes before I could shut the door.

"Sean, stop.." I whispered.

He glared at me, picking up the book. " 'Two Hundred Ways to Drop Two Hundred Pounds'?"

I looked down, then reached for my razorblade. "The blood is fresh..." I whispered. I pulled down my sleeves. Swollen red gashes greeted Sean.

"Ellie, you said you stopped."

"I'm a good liar." I had a gleam in my eyes and a sickening smile on my face. "I knew you wouldn't want to be me."

**Three Days Later: Sean's POV**

I watched the paramedics load Ellie's corpse onto the stretcher. Tears blurred my vision. The girl I wanted to marry was dead. Never to be remembered. Ellie had cut her wrists too deep and bled to death. The girl that could've been saved was too deep into her own world for anyone to help her.

"**She brought it on herself**." I sighed, shook my head, and left the house.


End file.
